Reprove WHAT?

One idea that I am so, so excited Martha Peace did not neglect in The Excellent Wife is biblical reproof, the intent to restore someone to a right relationship with God. Peace explains that "loving, biblical reproof is a lost art needing to be regained both in the Church and in the home." I couldn't agree more. A couple of years ago at Passion, God showed me that I need to be more intentional in pursuing and in modeling a life of truth. This means that I am willing to be vulnerable, I am willing to be embarrassed, I am willing to shake things up... I just want to be real and to see the truth for what it really is. I've begun to practice this, and although some friendships have been broken and not yet restored in the process, I have absolutely no regrets. In a few chapters of EW Peace offers us some guidelines to consider that I think the church needs more of:

Reprove in private (Matt. 8:15) and with gentleness (Gal. 6:1)!

Guidelines for Reproving:

• Choose the right time (Ecc. 3:1-7). The wrong time: you have a sinful attitude, it's in front of others, you both do not have undivided attention... The right time: you all are alone, both feel well and are rested, you have substantial time to talk, you are in control of yourself and reliant on the Spirit
• Choose the right wording: Think first, and practice... Perhaps confide in an older godly person of the same sex with an objective opinion (i.e.-no bias or personal vendetta)
• Comfort as you correct: Give praise and express your appreciation first; be sure to show both sides, making receiving the correction a little easier
• Be specific with the sin and offer a biblical solution: Don't mention a vague issue but give a tangible example, backing up its urgency with a solution--identify the lie, and replace with the truth! For more on this, read Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss!
• Maintain a spirit of unconditional love. Don't give the impression that your relationship or love hinges on this specific issue. Specify your support and love especially given this.

Responding to Reproof:

• Take time to think. Search Scriptures. Identify the specific sin and find a biblical solution. Ask for specific examples to have a context. Confess. Show fruit of repentance. Don't be concerned about justifying or defending yourself. Thank your husband (or whomever has talked with you) for loving you enough to bring this up.
• DON'T respond to reproof with anger or lashing out, resent, hurt, or unforgiveness. Don't try to focus on the other person's wrong OR be so consumed by this issue that you don't see any hope in the situation.

I know that even though Scott and I are not yet married, I have begun praying for these practices to become more and more natural. It helps so much when you "seek to understand, not to be understood," like the Parrotts say in Love Talk. Being intentional and "others-oriented" makes a world of difference with an issue of conflict or reproof!