With ten thousand beside....

Have I been blessed this week- and it's only Wednesday!!! Yesterday my amazing fiance called to tell me that he has an interview tomorrow for a full-time ministry job that we've been praying about for nearly two months. God is so good! I am thankful for this interview; just the chance to speak a little more than a resume can reveal is an incredible opportunity. My best friend called to tell me that she has found an interim teaching position to fill in for a lady on maternity leave, and she just finished classes last week! My family is all doing well at the moment despite various illnesses. Another friend with whom I've gotten much closer this year just called from Chattanooga to tell me that she and a good friend of Scott and me just got engaged. This week I really am just overwhelmed.

Last night was a huge blessing in itself. Several faithful friends showed up at my second family's home to give us a Christmas shower! What a fantastic idea!! No one really knew what to expect, but it turned out to be perfect. We were surprised with several fun ornaments to decorate our first tree next year, as well as many other little Christmas boxes and candles... My parents even surprised us with stockings that have our names on them. Amy, who organized the shower, did a stellar job planning with her husband. Since they are on furlough from Venezuela, they wowed us with some great homemade goodies like salsa, guacamole, mini tacos, bean dip...the whole nine yards. Plus, they rigged up a couple of great games. It was our first wedding shower and was so nice that I don't know if I want to have another one! :) I loved having Scott beside me opening things up... I don't understand why guys don't come to those things more. As if I needed a reminder (which really, I think I always do, because I never seem to live a life of ceaseless gratefulness), the kindness of those friends and family last night blew me away. I was reminded of how sweet it is to live in community. One of my biggest prayers right now is for the church where Scott and I will be after we are first married. We don't know where that is yet since the job thing is up in the air, but I have seen what it is like to be in tight community and what it is like to be seeking, searching, hungry for more- feeling disjointed and isolated. I'm reminded that Christ isolated himself only to pray, and I know when I isolate myself for too long, things go downhill fast. How blessed we are to be sons and daughters of God, brothers and sisters through the grace of Jesus Christ.

And P.S.: Again, this is one of those days where I just really, really can't wait to be a wife. I can't wait to share a home with my closest friend and partner in ministry, to decorate our first tree, to make white chicken chili when it's cold out, to fold his T-shirts.... I am ecstatic. The Lord is so good to us!!

Anointed

Indeed, I have completed my last finals of my undergrad career - thanks be to God! Things are looking up. I cannot believe that in a mere three weeks I will be in the classroom. This is somewhat terrifying to me but too exciting to dread. I am anxious to check things out. I will spend from January 2-February 23 in high school French and English and from February 23-May 4 in middle school English. Call me OCD (because probably I am), but the past day or so since I've been home, I have had the most fun organizing folders and making rubrics and worksheets. I've already learned that when you're a teacher (and probably a mom), the label maker is your best friend!!

On a completely different note, the night before finals ended (Monday), my dear suitemate kidnapped our suite for some kind of surprise. I guess she didn't actually kidnap us, but she called from an undisclosed location and told us to follow her instructions to end up where she was. Earlier in the day she handed us a paper for us to list our biggest prayer concerns concerning the world, King College, someone close to us, ourselves as individuals, our suite, and our spiritual life. I thought this was a kind thing and that she was simply planning to be intentional in praying for us over Christmas break.

When we arrived after a trek through the woods, we found circles of candles and the most perfect background music - Shane & Shane. We spent nearly three hours in intense confession, prayer, and worship together. It was one of the sweetest, rawest moments of worship I have ever experienced. We wept and prayed against strongholds and worries. When we looked up at one point, we saw Dr. Strang sitting in front of us. Dr. Strang is one of those people you want to know everything about and whose passion and intensity are absolutely contagious. He brought oils of frankincense and myrrh from Israel and told us of an ancient custom. As he explained not only the tradition from the Old Testament but the mentionings and symbolism in the New Testament, I realized I had never contemplated the significance of the symbol of oil and anointing. Seriously - I seem to just blow it off like it's irrelevant now. He came up to us individually and anointed our foreheads with a cross of frankincense and myrrh. The aroma was unsurpassable.

He whispered to me, "Daughter of the Covenant, you have been the recipient of a sacrifice through the birth and death of Jesus Christ. He has already counted you as righteousness. Live, now, in Him." It couldn't have been more pointing. The Lord has been working on my heart, and this moment was a wonderful time of affirmation. It was absolutely surreal. I haven't even talked to anyone about it yet; it seems too sacred or something. I am just so thankful that my dear suitemate listened when the Holy Spirit told her we needed a word. What an amazing Christmas gift. He has indeed already counted us as righteousness (Romans 4:23-24). It's time to live like it.

Anticipation!

I am nearing the end of undergrad classes forever! I can't believe this. Wednesday (now today, I guess) is my last day of class. A month from now I will already be student teaching somewhere. By the time finals end this semester I will be more than ready to have a break from paper-writing and test-cramming. I want my big, comfy bed in MY house - with MY candles - and MY music. I want to wake up and smell my mom's pancakes. However, this is a change that I have anticipated for so long.... and now that it's almost here, I don't know how to react!

Besides anticipating the day when I don't have any more finals or papers, I am very much anticipating the day when I become Scott's wife!! July 14th seems like a lifetime away sometimes, but we are more than halfway through our engagement. I see what people mean about long engagements being hard, but for us a shorter one would have been really pressing. This way I haven't had ANY wedding stress during school, and we've been able to actually have fun with it!! Plus, we are in more conversation and discussion about issues that we have more time to consider and pray about.... a huge plus. Nevertheless, the past few nights my heart has just been restless for him. I cannot wait to not have to leave at the end of the day. I especially am excited about seeing him more than a couple of times each week! :) I know that the first year especially will be trying, but I also know that we will have a blast. I am so thankful to the Lord for giving me such a faithful best friend on earth. Now I just anticipate being his roommate for life! :)

I've been thinking about a third kind of anticipation lately. Over Thanksgiving break, I was in the Dallas area with my sweet fiance, where we spent time with his family. On one afternoon, we all decided to watch Elf - one of my absolute favorites. There's this scene where Will Ferrell (Buddy the Elf) finds out Santa is coming. He screams. He tells EVERYONE. He's jumping up and down, flipping out. But no! That's not enough! He proceeds to stay up all night there at the department store where he is quite intentional in decorating the store from ceiling to floor.... hoping to welcome Santa in the most deserving way possible. He makes the Empire State Building out of legos, cuts the most amazing and intricates snowflakes, puts a Mona Lisa drawing on the Etch-a-Sketch for a Christmas tree ornament, and hangs lights anywhere he can. When I was watching it, I couldn't help but think of people today. Are we preparing our hearts for Christ, for the Bridegroom's return? Even on Sundays or Tuesdays or Friday nights....every day... are we preparing our hearts for worship? Are we intentional in "decorating" for the King, not only to impress or put on a show but to glorify Him like He deserves? If there's anything you learn about Buddy in that scene, it's that he anticipates Santa- and he responds accordingly! As children of the Most High, I pray that we anticipate the Messiah even more.

Vocation and the Will of God

I keep thinking about three specific quotations today. I've been hearing a lot from God on waiting - waiting for His revelation, His provision.... and sometimes I just get sick of waiting, like today. It is still seven and a half months until I get married, and I want it to be next week. It has been six weeks since my fiance had a job, and I want the Lord to at least open something so that it doesn't seem like everything has closed right in front of our faces. I have only two and a half weeks left of school, but I want to go home, to be in my own bed, and to be near my family NOW. Waiting just seems more difficult today. You know what He keeps telling me? He keeps reminding me that making me wait helps ensure that I go where I am needed- even if, or especially if, I don't want or expect to be there. So here are the big three, and I've heard each during my time here in college:

"Vocation is the place where your deep gladness makes the world's greatest need." -Frederick Buechner
-Funny thing is, our first essay/writing sample before beginning classes at King was working off this quotation to see where we'd be placed in English classes. Who knew that three and a half years later, I hope for it to be true all the time.

"God, command what You will, and grant what You command." -Augustine
-Another freshman year introduction that hasn't left our minds for a moment! Augustine is everywhere, and I'm currently praying to pray this. Get it? I'm not just praying to say it; I'm praying to want to say it! I'm sick of having faith when it's convenient. I want to live it ALL THE TIME.

"How dare you waste your life where you are not needed... To settle for something prescribed by the culture...is to give up the dream. You are called to be social change agents, revolutionaries for the Kingdom." -Dr. Tony Campolo in chapel on September 6th

Each of these question where we think we're going versus where God wants us. For me, He's telling me to wait. For me, it's easier to settle for something prescribed. Like I mentioned in convo a couple weeks ago, I don't want to measure my life out in coffee spoons like T.S. Eliot describes. I want to be willing to go or change whenever for whatever, however. May I rest in Your sovereignty, Father.

Reprove WHAT?

One idea that I am so, so excited Martha Peace did not neglect in The Excellent Wife is biblical reproof, the intent to restore someone to a right relationship with God. Peace explains that "loving, biblical reproof is a lost art needing to be regained both in the Church and in the home." I couldn't agree more. A couple of years ago at Passion, God showed me that I need to be more intentional in pursuing and in modeling a life of truth. This means that I am willing to be vulnerable, I am willing to be embarrassed, I am willing to shake things up... I just want to be real and to see the truth for what it really is. I've begun to practice this, and although some friendships have been broken and not yet restored in the process, I have absolutely no regrets. In a few chapters of EW Peace offers us some guidelines to consider that I think the church needs more of:

Reprove in private (Matt. 8:15) and with gentleness (Gal. 6:1)!

Guidelines for Reproving:

• Choose the right time (Ecc. 3:1-7). The wrong time: you have a sinful attitude, it's in front of others, you both do not have undivided attention... The right time: you all are alone, both feel well and are rested, you have substantial time to talk, you are in control of yourself and reliant on the Spirit
• Choose the right wording: Think first, and practice... Perhaps confide in an older godly person of the same sex with an objective opinion (i.e.-no bias or personal vendetta)
• Comfort as you correct: Give praise and express your appreciation first; be sure to show both sides, making receiving the correction a little easier
• Be specific with the sin and offer a biblical solution: Don't mention a vague issue but give a tangible example, backing up its urgency with a solution--identify the lie, and replace with the truth! For more on this, read Lies Women Believe by Nancy Leigh DeMoss!
• Maintain a spirit of unconditional love. Don't give the impression that your relationship or love hinges on this specific issue. Specify your support and love especially given this.

Responding to Reproof:

• Take time to think. Search Scriptures. Identify the specific sin and find a biblical solution. Ask for specific examples to have a context. Confess. Show fruit of repentance. Don't be concerned about justifying or defending yourself. Thank your husband (or whomever has talked with you) for loving you enough to bring this up.
• DON'T respond to reproof with anger or lashing out, resent, hurt, or unforgiveness. Don't try to focus on the other person's wrong OR be so consumed by this issue that you don't see any hope in the situation.

I know that even though Scott and I are not yet married, I have begun praying for these practices to become more and more natural. It helps so much when you "seek to understand, not to be understood," like the Parrotts say in Love Talk. Being intentional and "others-oriented" makes a world of difference with an issue of conflict or reproof!

Jehovah-rapha

I've been going through Beth Moore's Believing God study and am halfway through. Even though I'm doing week five, it's so neat to see how the Lord keeps refreshing my mind and spirit with previous sessions, reminding me that I haven't quite "gotten it." For two months now I have been interceding for God's provision of a job for Scott. I don't know what it feels like to intercede for one thing for years and years, but these two months have seemed long enough to be years. One door after another is closed, and it seems that even the windows are foggy. Those jobs that we would expect to be "shoe-in" jobs are not even working out. Meanwhile, I'm learning about unbelief. I've been asking, and I've realized what I'm asking has changed, and what I'm expecting has changed as well. I anticipate the Lord to work in such a way that glorifies only Him - that is beyond my expectation or imagination - and have stopped putting my agenda onto Him. I'm done. There are a couple insights He's given me that help when we think about asking Him to receive something (a job, physical healing, restored relationships, whatever) and either: a) don't receive it, or b) receive something that looks totally different from what we desired.

First, I'm learning this: Sometimes God may prioritize the faith required to continue trusting Him when we don't get what we ask over the faith required to receive it. Yes, He is our Jehovah-jireh. Yes, He knows what's best for His children - better than we know ourselves. We don't recognize that His lack of instant provision of the exact image we constructed may be purposeful not only for maturation of faith but for a continual process of believing.

Second, in asking for God to provide - a physical miracle, an emotional one, or a basic need (i.e. money to pay the rent) - I've been studying more on the concept of God as our Jehovah-rapha, our Healer. Part of Psalm 103 says:

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name! Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.

The original Hebrew for heals, rapha', is a verb meaning "to make healthful or heal - hurts of nations, of individual distress, or of persons... to mend (by stitching)." This is awesome to consider! God's provision, His healing of our hearts or bodies suggests process. Stitching is progressive, taking time and trust. Trust Him with your heart. He does know best, and I'm learning that His stitching may be painful, emotional, frustrating....but it will be finished some day. The stitching will be complete, and the needlepoint will be glorious. Keep on believing.

*By the way, I spoke at my college's convocation on Monday morning, and I am so thrilled to have delivered a word that I know was specifically impressed on my heart these past few weeks. Prayers were definitely felt and heard, and I cannot express how neat it has been to see how the Lord has orchestrated these ideas in other hearts. I am eternally grateful for His ability to use even me to piece some thoughts together for our community. Praise Him!!

To Be a Mighty Woman of God...

This was the topic at Beth Moore's breakout session for women at Passion '05 in Nashville. Rereading my journal this evening, I found some notes that mesh well with content of The Excellent Wife, which hopefully I'll return to soon. I had no idea how much my thoughts, response, and desires would change over a year and a half or so. I hope you'll take the time to consider these points as well!

How to Be a Mighty Woman of God - in a Submissive Role:
-Ephesians 5:21 -- submit out of reverence for Christ
-Submissive comes from the Greek word hypotasso: hypo=under/ tasso=to place in order -- hypotasso: to place under in an orderly fashion

*Submission is about order, not inferiority. - 1 Corinthians 2:9 ...
-Picture a wife behind her husband on a snowmobile in bitter cold weather. All the elements are hitting him in the face, but she's tucked in behind him -- head down, arms in, he's blocking them all for you.
*Everyone submits to someone! - Ephesians 5
*God esteems women. -Mary of Bethany (Luke 10:39), Mary Magdalene (John 20), first mention in Genesis (not good to be without), Bride of Christ, Jerusalem referred to as a "she" (Galatians 3:26-28), inclusion of sons and daughters (Acts 2)
*God has gifted women:
-sense of influence:
~Often women talk people into most anything.
~Be aware that the gift of influence twisted is seduction.
~Seduction means power, and women tend to play it all the time -- watch out.
-our sensitivity:
~Nurturers-mothers
~Sensitivity can turn into pettiness - don't be a part of it; be done with it!
~An offender does not poison a gender! Just because one has hurt you doesn't mean they are all like that!
~Choose to no longer bear the offense.
*God has wonderful and significant places for women in the body of Christ!
-Take your place in the body!
-Deal with your 'stuff' before you get married, OR you will marry within the mindset of your baggage.
-If you treat your husband like he's everything you wanted him to be, he'll start becoming that before your eyes!
-Your husband is the covering. He has authority-- your head is to be below his!
-NEVER promote your own ministry. God is the only promoter, and He'll only advance it for His glory.
-If you marry a man of God and he does you wrong, God will deal with it.

Why Memorize Scripture?

A little break from The Excellent Wife.... A while back I found this invaluable resource on one of my favorite websites, DesiringGod.org. John Piper reminded me of the necessity of and motivations for learning Scripture by head and heart (He also writes of this need in When I Don't Desire God, which you should probably read ASAP!), Unsurprisingly, I came across this only one day after talking with a sweet new friend, Leslie Raby. I shared my desire to not only be in the Word more, but to be more intentional in memorizing it, arming myself each day. Leslie shared with me an awesome Scripture memory method that is not so rigid or prescribed that it becomes legalistic or monotonous; instead, it relies on the movement of the Holy Spirit and our sensitivity to that moving. Let me know if you'd like more on the method; I'm so excited about it and have learned some verses word for word that have since proven so useful!! Anyway, here's what Piper has to say:


Why Memorize Scripture?
By John Piper September 5, 2006

First, a few testimonies: I have it third hand, that Dr. Howard Hendricks of Dallas Seminary once made the statement (and I paraphrase) that if it were his decision, every student graduating from Dallas Theological Seminary would be required to learn one thousand verses word perfect before they graduated.

Dallas Willard, professor of Philosophy at the University of Southern California, wrote, “Bible memorization is absolutely fundamental to spiritual formation. If I had to choose between all the disciplines of the spiritual life, I would choose Bible memorization, because it is a fundamental way of filling our minds with what it needs. This book of the law shall not depart out of your mouth. That’s where you need it! How does it get in your mouth? Memorization” (“Spiritual Formation in Christ for the Whole Life and Whole Person” in Vocatio, Vol. 12, no. 2, Spring, 2001, p. 7).

Chuck Swindoll wrote, “I know of no other single practice in the Christian life more rewarding, practically speaking, than memorizing Scripture. . . . No other single exercise pays greater spiritual dividends! Your prayer life will be strengthened. Your witnessing will be sharper and much more effective. Your attitudes and outlook will begin to change. Your mind will become alert and observant. Your confidence and assurance will be enhanced. Your faith will be solidified” (Growing Strong in the Seasons of Life [Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1994], p. 61).

One of the reasons Martin Luther came to his great discovery in the Bible of justification by faith alone was that in his early years in the Augustinian monastery he was influenced to love Scripture by Johann Staupitz. Luther devoured the Bible in a day when people earned doctorates in theology without even reading the Bible. Luther said that his fellow professor, Andreas Karlstadt, did not even own a Bible when he earned his doctor of theology degree, nor did he until many years later (Bucher, Richard. "Martin Luther's Love for the Bible"). Luther knew so much of the Bible from memory that when the Lord opened his eyes to see the truth of justification in Romans 1:17, he said, “Thereupon I ran through the Scriptures from memory,” in order to confirm what he had found.

So here are a few reasons why so many have viewed Scripture memorization as so essential to the Christian life.
1. Conformity to Christ
Paul wrote that “we all, . . . beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another” (2 Corinthians 3:18)) If we would be changed into Christ likeness we must steadily see him. This happens in the word. “The Lord revealed himself to Samuel at Shiloh by the word of the Lord” (1 Samuel 3:21). Bible memorization has the effect of making our gaze on Jesus steadier and clearer.

2. Daily Triumph over Sin
“How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word. . . . I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:9, 11). Paul said that we must “by the Spirit . . . put to death the [sinful] deeds of the body” (Romans 8:13). The one piece of armor used to kill is the “sword of the Spirit” which is the word of God (Ephesians 6:17). As sin lures the body into sinful action, we call to mind a Christ-revealing word of Scripture and slay the temptation with the superior worth and beauty of Christ over what sin offers.

3. Daily Triumph over Satan
When Jesus was tempted by Satan in the wilderness he recited Scripture from memory and put Satan to flight (Matthew 4:1-11).

4. Comfort and Counsel for People You Love
The times when people need you to give them comfort and counsel do not always coincide with the times you have your Bible handy. Not only that, the very word of God spoken spontaneously from your heart has unusual power. Proverbs 25:11 says, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.” That is a beautiful way of saying, When the heart full of God’s love can draw on the mind full of God’s word, timely blessings flow from the mouth.

5. Communicating the Gospel to Unbelievers
Opportunities to share the gospel come when we do not have the Bible in hand. Actual verses of the Bible have their own penetrating power. And when they come from our heart, as well as from the Book, the witness is given that they are precious enough to learn. We should all be able to sum up the gospel under four main headings (1) God’s holiness/law/glory; 2) man’s sin/rebellion/disobedience; 3) Christ’s death for sinners; 4) the free gift of life by faith. Learn a verse or two relating to each of these, and be ready in season and out of season to share them.

6. Communion with God in the Enjoyment of His Person and Ways
The way we commune with (that is, fellowship with) God is by meditating on his attributes and expressing to him our thanks and admiration and love, and seeking his help to live a life that reflects the value of these attributes. Therefore, storing texts in our minds about God helps us relate to him as he really is. For example, imagine being able to call this to mind through the day:
The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103:8-14)

I used the word “enjoyment” intentionally when I said, “communion with God in the enjoyment of his person and ways.” Most of us are emotionally crippled—all of us, really. We do not experience God in the fullness of our emotional potential. How will that change? One way is to memorize the emotional expressions of the Bible and speak them to the Lord and to each other until they become part of who we are. For example, in Psalm 103:1, we say, “Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless his holy name!” That is not a natural expression for many people. But if we memorize this and other emotional expressions from the Bible, and say them often, asking the Lord to make the emotion real in our hearts, we can actually grow into that emotion and expression. It will become part of who we are. We will be less emotionally crippled and more able to render proper praise and thanks to God.

There are other reasons for memorizing Scripture. I hope you find them in the actual practice.

My most important ministry...

A couple nights ago I picked up a book, The Excellent Wife. I found it this summer and started reading, but for some reason I could tell the timing just wasn't quite right. Ever felt that? You want to make yourself get lots and lots out of the text, but it doesn't feel timely for whatever reason - even if you think it is or construct your life so it is. Well, I picked it up again and am thrilled that I waited until now, because now I am enthralled. I love, love, love it. The Lord is already using Martha Peace's words to reprove some of my tendencies and thought patterns. From the beginning, she said something that justifies not only the reading of this book, but a close examination of how I'm wired, how I tend to respond, and how the Father desires for me to be as a wife.

"God's will for every Christian wife is that her most important ministry be to her husband." (Genesis 2:18)... The husband should be the primary benefactor of the wife's time and energy. So far, the book has taken me through some basics to make sure we can get to what's next. I've looked at A Wife's Understanding of God, A Wife's Understanding of Sin, A Wife's Understanding of Relationships, A Wife's Understanding of Marriage, and a Wife's Understanding of Her Role. A couple of these sections have been pretty basic, but I hope to post some of my thoughts on some of the sections that particularly gripped me.

A closing thought: Peace does an excellent job explaining the necessity of God's protective authority over us, first through Himself, and secondly through our husbands. She explains that as women, we need protection because of the world's influence (1 John 2:16), Satan (Ephs. 6:10-11, 13), and how we are often more easily deceived (1 Tim. 2:12-14). I always thought I anticipated submission, even though that sounds corny... I have wanted to be a wife for forever, and I knew from an early age that yielding to my husband's authority would be part of that. However, I'm learning a little more of what that looks like. One more quote to end this first EW posting: "You will never be what God wants you to be until you place yourself under God's plan by coming under the authority of your husband."

Oriented to him

So much for consistency, huh? Here I am two months later. So much has changed. The biggest change is that Scott is in the midst of a job hunt, and we are (consequently) in the midst of waiting on God. I turned 21 toward the end of September, was able to share my thoughts and spiritual implications from The Kite Runner in a book talk here at school, and finished two months of working in a middle school tutoring two boys. I've been to three months of Women at The Well, a couple months of accountability group, and about one month into Beth Moore's Believing God Bible study. Each of these situations has reminded me of both the sovereignty of God (surprises, changes, showing me I don't have control and it's all to Him) and the sufficiency of God (even in the surprises, He is enough-- I don't need more). Wow. The past month has been the most spiritually exhausting I have ever experienced. I have battled every day between asking BIG- asking God's provision through Scott's search- and trying to just wait. This past week the Lord spoke, "Wait on Me, child. Wait. Don't rush. Don't force situations I don't want. Trust Me. Trust Me. I know what's best for you. I want what's best for you. I love you, I love you, I love you." I don't find that message ironic at all considering last week I was sharing a little of my faith journey for our girls' small group and next week I'm giving a student lecture at school mentioning the need to stop trying and to start trusting. No, it's not ironic; yes, it's ordained. Nor do I find it ironic that this month of exhaustion and dead-ends has coincided with the BG study. Seems that what I've needed to read God has put in front of me multiple times on multiple days. I am thankful He makes these things clear enough for people like me to finally clue in to! Our Father knows best.

So, going along with what He's telling me, I've really been praying for the home Scott and I will begin together on July 14, 2007. I've seen how supportive I can be sometimes and how much nagging I can do while he is looking for new work. The Spirit's been working in my heart; I'm so contemplative these days about how I, as such a practical person looking for the most efficient way, am marrying a visionary man-- one who sees the big picture before the details, an order completely reversed from my own. I'm grateful for all the affirmation God's given me about how necessary that combination and that stretching is, as well as how much that combination can and will benefit us. I cannot express how much I anticipate the day when I call him my husband for the first time and can begin helping him in the role of his wife! (Genesis 1:26-31, 2:7-25; 1 Corinthians 11:8-9)

So, there's this excerpt I encountered that continues to remind me of how Scott and I are wired and what the appropriate response is. Scott is definitely oriented to the task; he gets ideas I could never even dream of. Even though we aren't yet married, it's my job to already begin seeking the habit of being oriented to him. This is wonderful:

"The man needs the help; the woman needs to help. Marriage was created by God to provide companionship in the labor of dominion. The cultural mandate, the requirement to fill and subdue the earth, is still in force, and a husband cannot fulfill this portion of the task in isolation. He needs a companion suitable for him in the work to which God has called him. He is called to the work and must receive help from her. She is called to the work through ministering to him. He is oriented to the task and she is oriented to him." -Reforming Marriage by Douglas Wilson

Like a rubberband...

Well, it's been nearly a month, and I am finally writing. This is my last semester of classes in my undergraduate career. Next semester I will student teach and graduate. Then, I'll marry my best friend, have a roommate for life, and hopefully begin working at a school shortly after. The past two and a half weeks on campus have been surreal, and I know the months ahead will be even weirder. Because most of my friends graduated or are no longer living on campus, I constantly struggle with loneliness. I know that this is not just a result of circumstances but a mentality I choose. Nevertheless, it seems hard to find motivation to make new friends and invest in those relationships when next semester I'll rarely see them, and after that I'll be gone for good. Needless to say, it feels like a totally different place. Combine the absence of precious girlfriends, my fiance, and the goofy guys with an invasion of the biggest enrollment to date, and you'll find a college senior officially intimidated. However, this is not in vain. These feelings, this intimidation, these questions....are not wasted by any means. The Lord has been so faithful to hear my cries to Him and to remind me He is the most faithful companion, the Author of love and relationships and investment. Therefore, even though I feel like I've been transported to a somewhat different place, I am growing more and more dependent on Christ. I am going through Kay Arthur's Lord, I Want to Know You, and that has been a blessed consistency in my life. I love exploring in-depth the names of God and learning about the Hebrew that gets lost in translation... I love her Precept studies because I am not only reminded of concepts, promises, and tendencies but am forced to think about where my life fits in and where those names of God fit in, too. Scott and I finished going through Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts which was a huge feat in itself. I am anxious to begin counseling and see the concepts we studied put into more aggressive discussion and then practice. Between the weirdness of this semester and my thoughts toward marriage preparation, I am finally getting at least a liiiittle bit closer to praying without ceasing. Of course I cease all the time - but I am learning, and the concept of communion with God (continual, ongoing, transforming) is being more familiar each day. My personal Bible study and the Parrotts' book study with Scott have been excellent for growth, but I still crave accountability time with the girls. I miss my best girlfriend not being around but love watching her interact with her new groom. Next week a new ministry through The Well will begin for college women, and I couldn't be more excited. There is something about fellowship among sisters in Christ that is just so sweet and pure. Anyway, enough rambling for now.... Dr. Tony Campolo spoke on campus yesterday, and I definitely want to go over my notes and think on those a little more. Hopefully I will become a little more consistent in my writing and meditating on my being like a rubberband. God stretches me really, really wide--and just before I pop, He loosens me and I conform to the size I was intended to be:)

Seven Habits

Practices alone, though a means of grace, do not transform us. My life is not ultimately changed by becoming more disciplined or getting more organized. Rather, I am changed as I grasp the truth of justification, depend on the Lord throughout the day, and do whatever I do for His glory. Hence, anytime we seek to implement a new practice, we must always revisit these biblical truths; otherwise, our practices will become new forms of legalism.

7 Habits of the Highly Effective Woman:
1. She rises early
2. She maintains the spiritual disciplines
3. She focuses on relational priorities for every season
4. She sets up regular times for planning
5. She develops an effective to-do list system and calendar/planner system
6. She establishes an efficient routine for managing her home
7. She organizes her house systematically

GirlTalk's suggestions: Now please do not try to apply all of these at once! That wouldn’t be wise. And remember that only God manages His time flawlessly. Only God is perfectly organized. Only God completes His to-do list. And we are not God. We are finite creatures and we might as well get comfortable with our finiteness.
Let me suggest you isolate one to three habits for application. David Powlison encourages us similarly: “Just as we don’t change all at once, so we don’t swallow all of truth in one gulp. We are simple people. You can’t remember ten things at once. Invariably, if you could remember just ONE true thing…you’d be different.” So, in humility, let’s take a single sip of truth. And that one sip, if truly digested, will affect many other areas as well.

My first sip: the idea of rising early - coming right up... I want to chew on each "habit" until I have a better picture and imitation of the whole. I believe that these habits are all habits that the Lord delights in seeing in His daughters! So, we'll see where this takes us...

Only through the Source...

Lately I've been doing a lot of reading on marriage and womanhood, anticipating next summer when I will enter my greatest ministry: my role as a wife. The Lord has been so faithful to reveal such neat bits of wisdom and advice at the perfect times in the tiniest doses (just how I need it!). One way He's been revealing to me is through a book that Scott and I are reading individually and its corresponding workbooks that we are working through and discussing together - Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts by Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott. Wow... more on that at a later date. Shortly after finding the book, I stumbled across some of Carolyn Mahaney's articles via GirlTalk. I am particularly interested in what she has to say about "the highly effective woman" and have been reading the descriptions and lists nearly every day and praying through them. To start, she reminds us of the source without whom effectiveness or existence would be impossible. We must remember: the source of our justification, the source of our ability, and the source of our motivation. In other words, nothing I do on my own will ever be effective or earn the grace of Jesus Christ. Second, Jesus says that without Him I can do nothing--and I've certainly seen that first-hand ("That is best which is least our own doing." -Dr. Jerry Bridges). Finally, while the habits correlating with a woman's effectiveness certainly benefit her and her family in many tangible ways, my motivation must be first concerned with the glory of God and the furthering of His Kingdom. That's what I'm chewing on.... I want to meditate on my motivations and the Source of all these possibilities before even attempting to digest the habits of an effective woman. Soon enough...

Refreshment

Proverbs 11:25 says, "He who refreshes others will himself be refreshed." So, here goes another blog in this cyberworld that's already congested...hopefully one that will indeed bring at least a little more refreshment than many of the others. While the blogging concept is not new to me, this format is, so we'll see how things go. The Lord is renewing my spirit more and more with a greater desire to bring Him glory. I'm learning that that means glorifying the Father in ALL aspects of life, not just in prayer or in thought, but in car rides to work, in seemingly insignificant blogs, in marriage preparation, in work ethic...in ALL things He deserves to see glory brought to Himself. I'm tired of blogs that aren't profitable or purposeful. I just want this to be a reflection of my life, which I pray is one of visible purpose, and more importantly a reflection of the One who gives life. He is so faithful, and He is working in my heart. The journey proves interesting and rewarding; here begins my chronicles.